My Relationship...With Food

Here are my thoughts and 12 elements of coming to grips with your relationship with food. It is that relationship that is both physical and emotional, that is making you fat, obese, chunky, large, Ruben-esque, or whatever you call it. How do I know? Because I'm right there with you sister. There is a payoff at the end in step 13 :)

Vegetarianism, veganism, and plantstrong are not fads. They are commitments to a food choice. The political and ethical overtones that are typically associated with groups like PETA and moral vegans tend to put some people off who don't want to make a political statement with their food choices. The celebrity associations with these choices may prompt some people to join to be like the "stars" - trainer Bob from "The Biggest Loser" went vegan, Bill Clinton went PlantStrong, "Skinny Bitch in the Kitch" spoke to many women to be vegetarian, the national news recently featured corporate titans as power vegans (Steve Wynn for one), and of course Ellen DeGeneris and Portia DeRossi are vegan or vegetarian or something that even got Oprah's attention for 5 minutes.

While all these attachments may be grounds for people to get interested in, give consideration to, or even start a food choice, ultimately, it comes down to your relationship with food. For many of us, it is a twisted and hurtful relationship that should end immediately in divorce due to the abuse. However, as is often the case in abusive relationships, the abusee stays with the abuser. In this case - our comfort associated with many foods leaves us unwilling to leave.

I went vegetarian because I was disgusted by what I learned about factory farming. I had left veal about 20 years earlier after I saw the little calf ads that were so awful. So leaving factory farmed meats was not a tough call for me. I could have gone local and free range, but an added dimension of understanding put me off of meat. One of the points made in "Skinny Bitch" is that at the moment of slaughter, the fear and anxiety that animals experience stays with the flesh. You consume those emotions when you eat the meat. Now that may be bunko science, but it hit me on a gut level and allowed me to refrain from meat with ease.

I went PlantStrong (which is vegan without the ethics of not using any animal product) for health reasons. I had consumed all kinds of heart unhealthy foods all my life in great quantities. Why did I do this? Because I had connected food to comfort. Mom fixed mac & cheese and it oozed love. Each bite contained good feelings. Lose a boyfriend? That can be fixed with copious amounts of comfort food - ice cream, chocolate, mac & cheese... Holiday joy? Can't have it without food - cookies, cakes, tortes, candy, chocolate (from Halloween to Easter), meats, casseroles, canapes... Sporting event? Root for your team with cheesy dips, fried anything, greasy burgers, nachos... Mourning the dearly departed? Have a wake and serve a buffet of never ending casseroles - we learn to comfort, revel, celebrate, and mourn with food.

So having a life-long unhealthy relationship with food (and not everyone has this unhealthy relationship, obviously) requires some reexamination before going vegetarian or vegan. If you are fat, overweight, obese, chunky, big, husky, large, height disproportionate to weight...you have an unhealthy relationship with food. Period. Say whatever you want to say - genetics, bone structure, metabolism, thyroid, family issues, pet issues, angst, anxiety, gallstones - you have an unhealthy relationship with food.

For a long time I was in denial about denial. As in, "I won't deny myself because that just sets off a craving." Well, yes it does. But not denying yourself the food doesn't help either.

For a long time I was in denial about control. As in, "I can control what I eat, count points, count calories, deal meal cards, follow nutrition guidance, shop and buy a balanced grocery list..." The control never lasts because my brain was wired for failure.

For a long time I was in denial about need. As in, "I need this "fill in the bad food" and I "just have to have it." What am I, 2 years old? Mostly it was a "poor me" rap.

I'm an upbeat, positive person. I am not a doom and gloomer. Yet, food became my haven for satiating my doom and gloom. I'm upbeat and positive - as I chowed down on Doritos and cheese dip. Does anyone else see this as an oxymoron?

I loathed skinny women who would pick at a plate of salad and take most of it home in a box...Ha! I'll show them and eat what I like right here and eat it all. Yeah, I showed them - what, I'm not exactly sure, except that I was controlled by food and wanted to be just like them, at least the skinny part.

Going vegetarian, plantstrong, or vegan is not easy, but it is not that hard either. You are simply changing what you use as nutrients for your body. The very, very hard part is redefining your relationship with food. For most women (I can't speak for men because I am not one of you), food is a companion, a foil, an enemy, medicine, validation - you name it. For most women, they would rather eat a box of cookies than go to the gym to get their high. It's not about the high - it's about the nourishment of our psyche. I love these cookies and they make me feel good. It's that simple.

Changing your relationship with food.
The harsh reality of 12 steps and 1 beautiful step

1. food is not your friend. It is just food. Get a pet, get a friend, but do not make food your friend. Neither is it your enemy. It is just food.

2. food has chemical properties that interact with your body chemistry to produce results. These results can be positive or negative to your health. Science tells us the best formula to maximize the value and benefit of this chemistry. Use it. You are going to eat, so make the best of it from the perspective of what food is for - nutrition! Don't eat processed food and chemicals. Don't eat anything with high fructose corn syrup. Science has confirmed that these additives are addictive and affect your body chemistry. Do not ingest them!

3. sugar rush, cheese addiction, grease/fat/oil taste mask are all chemistry responses between food and your body - literally your brain becomes captive of addictions - just like nicotine, crack, heroin, and alchohol. We help people eliminate their addictions to everything but food. Why? because we say, "we can't live without food." Tru dat. But what is not true is that we have to live with these addictions. You can be very well nourished without sugar, cheese, grease. Really, you can. Your addiction can be reset. Not everyone who gets drunk is an alcoholic. Some people have an emotional attachment to booze. Not everyone who eats cheese will generate an addiction to it. But for those who do - get out of denial and recognize the chemistry that is taking place between your brain and body.

4. Some people get full and stop eating. Some people can stop at just one bite. Some people can have two pieces of chocolate and stop without thinking. If you are obese, fat, or otherwise overweight - you have an addictive relationship and reaction to these foods. You have to get off of them, off all of them, to clear your brain and reset your chemistry. When you have a cheese craving, your brain wants more of whatever the chemical reaction is it gets when you eat cheese. The more you eat, the more you want. Just a slice more turns into the entire Cracker Barrel stick of cheese, the entire jar of cheese sauce, a loaf of Velveeta or whatever you eat. This is a vicious spiral that can not be satiated by eating more cheese or sugar or chocolate or whatever you are stuck on. It's like an alcoholic - just one more drink becomes a bender. The brain is the most powerful organ in your body. Don't abuse it. Respect it.

5. You will kill yourself by abusing food. Period. You will die eventually, I know. You will die from obesity and never know if you could have lived longer because you will be dead. The western, fast food diet is designed to kill you. If you abuse fast food, it will kill you. It will clog your arteries causing you grave illness. Now, the roulette of this tale is whether you can safely eat a little, a lot, or none. If you are obese, overweight, or a fatty - the answer is none. This answer is not designed to be evil or to "deny you" your pleasure. The answer is designed to save your life. You have a death wish if you can't see this. Really - it comes down to whether you want to live or die. Having trouble getting up those stairs? Can't catch your breath and feel your heart race? Does the idea of walking leave you breathless but not leave you too breathless to get to the fridge? You have a death wish. It is that simple. I know. I had it. I was just in complete denial.

6. These tough questions and answers are not meant to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself. They are a wake up call to make you see what you are doing to yourself. It is not a matter of will power, it is a chemical reaction between food and your brain. You can't control it. You can stop it only by stopping putting those foods into your body. Once you reset the chemical reaction, you might be able to control it. I don't know. Obviously each person will be different. Once you stop the reaction, you won't want to eat it. That sounds laughable doesn't it? Me not wanting ice cream - that's nuts! Me not wanting cheese is inconceivable! But it is true. It is no longer a part of my life, the chemical reaction is gone, and all that is driving me back to those foods is a memory of those good feelings. The good feelings are no longer there. I chose to live and now I am rewarded with a reset brain. Whoa. Yeah. Will I ever eat cheese again? Perhaps. Do I want to chance it right now? NO WAY! Check in with me in a year. I'll let you know.

7. Do I still have feelings for cheese, pizza, ice cream, Doritos? Oh yes, absolutely! You don't end a lifelong relationship and not retain the feelings for awhile. I'm 3 years into vegetarianism and don't miss meat at all. I'm nine weeks into plantstrong and still have emotional attachments to some foods. But now I can feel the difference between emotional attachment and chemical craving. I can get over the emotions. I could not control the chemical.

8. You cannot go from a fast food diet to plantstrong unless you are prepared for the physical and mental fallout. I did vegetarian for 3 years because I was in strong denial. I would say, "I'm a vegetarian" whilst consuming chips, cheese, fried cheese, cheesy rice, ice cream, cookies, chocolate, ad nauseum. Meat was not causing a chemical reaction in my brain so of course it was easy to give up. I did not have any emotional attachments to meat, with the exception of McDonald's cheeseburgers, so I did not miss meat. When I went plantstrong, I eased into it over a 10 day period, noting everything I ate (still keep a food journal) and not beating myself up over it. I was trying it out. I noted what I could substitute for my regular items in order to comply with a plantstrong regimen. By day 10 I was already on the wagon and decided to go with it. Then the cravings hit. I took naps in the evening to avoid the craving. I distracted myself with videos at night and work during the day. I did not take up an exercise regimen, because I knew it would be too much on me. That was my cave, but it worked for me. I dreamed of pizza. I needed ice cream. If I didn't have some sugar I would lose my mind. But what saved me was thinking about how my arteries were not having to build more plaque to address the crap I was ingesting. I thought about how my brain was resetting and that if I quit now, I would have to go through this again and probably wouldn't - remember - I chose to live. I quit Diet Coke 3 years ago and I thought that was what it must be like to quit cigs. I won't sugar-coat it (haha), quitting what your brain has been led to crave is very hard. But if you can get your head out of denial, your body will follow.

9. Weight is a state of mind and a state of being. The scale number is what it is. You weigh what you weigh. The number is not good or bad, it is a number - a physical property. Your relationship with that number and your physicality is a state of mind - an emotional roller coaster for most women. When I went plantstrong I did not get on the scale. I decided that to succeed, I needed to focus on the food relationship, not the weight relationship. I assumed that I would lose weight, but that was not my motivation to go plantstrong. I didn't want to get wrapped up in the number. I just wanted to see the physical response, first of my brain, then of my body form. Sure, I am losing weight - no doubt. I see it right now as a side benefit to resetting my brain and clearing my arteries. I am in denial about exercise - I'm sure of that. But let me tackle that next. And it is getting easier to face it - because my brain and my emotions are not all caught up in that other stuff that I fed myself.

10. You are what you eat. Your body is a temple because god dwells within you, as you. These are the philosophies that I believe in. You believe as you wish. Your beliefs are what get you to where you want to go. Your emotional relationships are what stop you from getting where you want to go. When I embraced my philosophies, I created a whole new dynamic with food. Food is not my friend, I am my friend. Food is a substance, not a friend. I am more important than the foods I want to be in a relationship with. I am not getting comfort from food - I am being fooled by a chemical reaction that feels like comfort and I turn that into an emotional relationship that is destructive. Get out of the relationship!

It has taken me a couple of hours to write this. All this talk of food reminded me I'm hungry! I'm sitting here eating leftover red quinoa, black beans and chickpeas, and black bean/corn salsa. I just mix them together and eat it cold. I could have heated the quinoa and beans and peas and topped with the salsa. But the point is that the flavors are sooooo good. This is my new relationship with food. I like the flavors. I like the taste.

11. Food will taste different when you reset your brain and no longer mask the taste of foods with grease and oils. I love the taste and flavors of the foods I eat. This is not just wishful thinking on my part to "trick" myself into eating healthy foods. Once the reset occurs, your brain tastes everything with new chemical reactions. I have no emotional connection to my quinoa, beans and salsa, but I do love the flavor!

12. You will learn what it feels like to feel full. There is a receptor in your brain that is supposed to turn on when you eat and let you know when you are full. If you are obese, fat, overweight or chubby - this receptor is not firing properly. You know what I'm talking about. It takes a whole lot of food before you even think of being full. You can sit down and eat a sandwich and then think, great appetizer - what's next? If you are obese, you have no idea what it feels like to feel full even if your stomach hurts. Because I am talking about the brain's "full" response, not your gut being full. The stomach staple, lap band, gastric bypass - is supposed to make you eat less and your stomach feels full with just a handful of food. The problem is that your brain does not feel full and you want to keep eating. Except now you are in a dangerous situation where your body can't consume any more food or it will pop. People who have this surgery regain weight. Not all of them do, but I am betting it is because they change their diet, not the quantity. When you reset the brain by cutting out all the food addictions, you reset the "full" receptors. Now I understand how someone can eat a half plate of food and be full and not just be doing it for show because they are on a date! I ate my bowl of quinoa, beans, and salsa. I feel full! It is literally a new sensation that I have come to recognize and respond to. You will love it.

Beauty = You

13. Love yourself. Choose to live. Do the work. I've been doing the work of self analysis for years, so I have no idea if you can make these choices without doing the work. But I recommend that you do meditation, read inspirational books like Chicken Soup for the Soul, surround yourself with positive energy, go to church, read the bible - whatever works for YOU! But do the work so you can love yourself and choose to live. I did the Landmark Forum (www.landmarkeducation.com) 5 years ago. I learned to meditate in college. I found religion, lost it, found it again, became an atheist, and now practice elements of Buddhism - but none of that matters - just find what works for you in terms of spirituality, positive support, energy creation, feeling good, and seeing the light in the universe. Just don't get it from eating.